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Zombie Jesus: Only the Living Dead Can Give You Eternal Life

If Zombie Jesus Came to Your Door, Would You Let Him In?

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Zombie Jesus: Only the Living Dead Can Give You Eternal Life

Zombie Jesus: Only the Living Dead Can Give You Eternal Life

Photo © istockphoto/Birgitte Magnus; Poster © Austin Cline

If Jesus died and was buried, but rose from the grave after three days, does that mean Jesus was an Original Zombie (OZ)? New Testament accounts describe him as having wounds you could stick your hands in, something that you can't normally do to living people, but dead people also aren't walking around. There are no stories about Jesus eating people's brains, but we can hardly expect his followers to draw attention to such behavior. Communion is about eating Jesus, not the other way around.

If Jesus is supposed to be able to give you eternal life, I suppose becoming one of the living dead is one way of achieving it. It's certainly no less believable than any of traditional explanations given by Christians for how and why Jesus will secure an eternal future for you. Granted, spending eternity as a zombie hunting for brains doesn't sound very appealing, but then again none of the descriptions of heaven sound all that appealing either. At least brain-hunting is a goal-oriented activity; in heaven, there isn't anything to do at all.

I'm obviously not the first to draw attention to the connection between Jesus and zombies. There was once a very good web comic about "Zombie Jesus," but it didn't last very long and now the site itself has disappeared entirely and we can't even read the archives. I wish I had saved the comic when they were still available — it wasn't the best web comic around, but it was interesting and clever at times. At least, that's the way I remember it.

Have you given your brains to Zombie Jesus?

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