Businesses are being forced to specialize more and more in today's world. Specialization means being able to take better care of your customers, but it also means narrowing your possible base of customers. Is the trade-off worth it? The answer to that will vary, but it doesn't seem likely that a luncheonette for atheists will attract much business.

The Evangelical Spectator reports on Arnold Essex’s “The Atheist’s Cafe” in Bristol, Virginia:

“Atheists come here from all over the Southwest Virginia, east Tennessee and beyond. Every time there’s an atheist golf tournament or atheist convention. We are reasonably price. Entrees are only five bucks. The place offers a fun, if slightly heretical atmosphere, with Albert Camus on the jukebox singing “Oh, What Is Life About? Somebody, would you tell me, please.”

“Atheists just love the way we treat them. Great service. We don’t ask them to pray before their meals. Neither do we ask them to recite scripture. Nor do require them to look us in the eye and tell us what they think life is all about. We love Atheists in the Bible Belt. We know they are big hairy beasts who pretty much walk on all fours, eat rodents and live in caves. But we want them to know they have a place to eat right here in Bristol.”

Well, there’s nothing like home cooking... but some atheists seem to get out of hand:

“Once in a while, yes, they get rowdy. Growl and bark cause they are beasts of the field. And dumber than a dead possum. Grotesque men and women with no consciences, no ethics. Just gnarly teeth and cross-eyed looking monsters who would enjoy a veggie burger topped with spiders and a dash of mold dew.”

Fortunately the locals in Bristol know how to deal with atheists:

“I should mention, though. Last year Bristol issued seven-hundred atheist hunting licenses. Hunting for atheists is a popular sport in Bristol. Of course, by drawing the atheist out we make them bigger targets, if that’s possible. The atheist is valuable for their fur. Them gloves I got last year was lined with atheist fur and I tell you the cold don’t bite through it. Them atheists got fur that would keep an iceberg warm.”

All that fur will make hell even worse — but I suppose that hell is hot precisely because we atheist are covered with so much fur. If hell were cold, we’d feel too comfortable and be too happy. Can’t have that, can we?

 

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