Mormon Tactics Against Masturbation
Lambert Dolphin quotes from something attributed to Mark E. Petersen:
1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
Better yet, wear thick gloves just to be extra sure.
2. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
Yes, it’s tough to quit masturbating when you hang around with people who constantly talk about masturbating, compare masturbation techniques, and recount especially good masturbation sessions. With folks like that around, quitting the habit just isn’t likely.
3. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress and then get out of the bathroom into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
Better yet, invite a family member to stand around in the bathroom while you bathe — especially an older, wrinkly family if you can find one. That can have a very depressing effect on any masturbation desire you might have. Should such family members not be available, photographs of Margaret Thatcher and Richard Nixon have been reported to help.
4. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
If you’re really serious about quitting the masturbation habit, you can enlist the aid of family members to simply wrap you up mummy-like each evening. While ensconced in tight bandages, you won’t even be able to pick your nose or scratch your butt, much less masturbate. In this manner you may be able to put an end to several bad habits at once!
5. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, get out of bed and go into the kitchen and fix yourself a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you get your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
Of course, if you think about masturbation a great deal and thus end up eating a great deal, you will gain so much weight that masturbation may become physically impossible. While this is not necessarily a recommended way to stop masturbation, it is certain preferable than not stopping at all.
It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan.
What if you masturbate publicly? What if you get together with friends from #2 and masturbate in a group? Then it’s not so secretive anymore, is it? And if you help your friends masturbate, it’s not self-centered, either.
This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect and feel guilty and depressed, which can in the extreme lead to further sinning. As a person feels spiritually unclean, he loses his interest in prayer, his testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offering no joy and limited success.
Just a thought, but if people weren’t continually told that masturbation is bad, then perhaps they also wouldn’t feel guilty and depressed when they do it. Maybe if they were told that masturbation is healthy and natural they wouldn’t be any more bothered by it than they are by other natural functions of the body.
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Comments
dude thats awesome thanks alot for the ideas its eating me alive spiritualy and i hate it the wall between god and i has to come down but i feel kind of crappy asking for forgivness when i knew what i was doing when i was doing it castration may be the only option i have at this point but never the less thank you god bless
Masturbation is not wrong and God never says it is the Bible.Heres some facts that i found.
Yes. Masturbation can help relieve stress and:
Relieve menstrual cramps
Help for insomnia (i.e. when a person is having trouble falling asleep)
Stimulate the immune system to help build up resistance to common infections.
Release mood elevating hormones
Reduce embarrassing spontaneous erections for teen males
Reduce the number of unwanted wet dreams for young men
While I do masturbate and believe in free love, masturbation is about as natural as provoking yourself to sneeze for the hell of it (although to be fair I can see that as having more of a cleansing benefit than jerking off for a quick thrill). Quite the opposite actually - you’re getting rid of vital protein.
You are an idiot. If you are going to rant about how “bad” something or someone is, how about writing a document without and errors. See what I mean? You have multiple errors that make some of your sentences very difficult to understand. You of all people have nothing to say about religion.
You have publicly humiliated yourself as if you were to masturbate in public.
I hope you learn a valuable lesson.
By the way, masturbating isn’t bad. But there sure is nothing good with it either.
Have real sex, or make better use of your time–the ultimate tool to aid in quitting masturbation.
Why?
How so?
Well, it sounds like you disagree with the point of the article, but rather than offer any counter-arguments you simply criticized typos (which you didn’t point to, you just said they were there). I suspect that if you did have any substantive arguments, you’d have made them.
I tried for years to end my “sin” of masterbation using the mormon suggestions. They’re absolute crap, of course. As soon as I finally gave myself permission to be human and explore my own body, my compulsion to masterbate went away and sex with my husband improved. How can I expect my husband to know more about my pleasure than I do? Though I am no longer “compelled” to do it, I do it when I feel the desire. When it is so simple and natural all the unhealthy compulsion just disolves. Wow. I think it is truly sad how mormon’s repressive doctrine seems to propel people into the very behavior and bad outcomes that it’s supposedly trying to save them from.
Here is what one modern church leader has to say about masturbation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zleo5HyxL0M
ti know if something is right or not simply ask: Would Jesus do it? Would Jesus Masturbate? no!!!!!!!
So stop saying it is something good because you are too weak to stop doing it. Good luck to all that try.
Why?
lol
Would Jesus do it??????
Why not? I would ask the same question: would Mohammed have done it? would Krishna have done it? Of course! All bodily fluids have to come out one way or the other:).
What the heck is wrong with masturbation? If u want to do it, do it(don’t overdo it!). One smart way which the Goddess/God has designed for us to relax…….
Have you wondered how good you feel after masturbation? (don’t tell me..you feel like a loser, eh?). Maybe that’s because of all this talk about losing your energy blah blah blah……
Sure you loose energy. But then…you loose energy when you do anything to the extreme…and regain it later!
BTW,great and humorous article, Cline! Let’s see more of that:)
Of course, let it be understood that if an individual abuses his/her organs and constantly thinks only about masturbation, that is like asking for trouble!
I can absolutely respect one’s view of the normal, common nature of masturbation. To take jabs at another perspective, however, is a display of ignorance and egocentric thinking. It is also fine to have spiritual beliefs and standards that go against your own.
When I read something about chastity or anything concerning masturbation according to Mormon’s believe, I masturbate in front of stupid reading when I told my self, no way that doesn’t make any sense to me.
Thanks the Mormons, for all thos ewonderful advice in order to help 1 quit musterbation, i also c some funy stupid comments other ppl made on the article, if the really did musterbate liike i do they will c th reason why they should stop, i only c them as just decieving ppl to continue with those bad acts..masturbating is not healthy, it also affects the eye and give you fussy, it also encourages impotence…i think any one addicted to this bad behaviour should consider quitting and follow all those steps given here, also know that INTERGRITY means when no one is watching you God is……..Have a great day.
Thanks the Mormons, for the wonderful advice in order to help us quit masturbation, i do c some funy stupid comments other ppl made on the article, if they really did masturbate like i do they will c the reason why they should stop, i only c them as just decieving ppl to continue with those bad acts..masturbating is not healthy, EFFECTS OF MASTURBATION: it gives u fussy vision, encourages impotence and also lets you feel weak all the time,i think any one addicted to this bad behaviour should consider quitting and follow all those steps given on here, also know that INTERGRITY means when no one is watching you God is……..Have a great day.
Jr
Damn funny, i suppose it was supposed to be funny
wow, based on this, i would say the person who wrote this has some SERIOUS mental issues that he/she needs to work out. Im not even kidding. There are some legitimate mental issues behind these words.
comment number 16 i hope is a joke because all of what was said is lies. fuzzy vision. HAHA. they are two completely different parts of the body, why would u think that. find me some evidence of this. I masturbate sometimes and i have pretty good vision actually. Are you on any kind of drugs? You must be, lol.
i say jack away. just dont overdo it and don’t make it the focus of your life. The only reason ppl feel guilty about it is because they are told it is bad. Otherwise, they wouldn’t feel guilty about it. By the way, it cuts the risk of prostate cancer by about 30-40% in males. 99.9% of doctors would prbly agree its normal. Any sane person realizes this too.
This blog entry was funny.
I really go with the last comment you made tho, masturbation is normal, nothing to be ashamed about and healthy. To the Ladys, tickle your fancy to your hearts delight and to the guys, keep bashing that bishop.
Masturbation is good, for both sexes, it will help you in being sexually secure, and let you know your body. Sure once you have a partner there are even more enjoyable things to do together, but doing it together is also fun.
I can’t speak so much of the benefits for women, I’m male, but I sure know a lot of benefits for guys.
There are two canals in your penis, one from your bladder and one from your testes (where the sperm are made). While it is almost certain that the urinary canal is being constantly cleaned by going to the toilet, the other is not being cleaned if you don’t have a regular ejaculation. So if you don’t masturbate you actually further your chance in contracting an infection in one or both of the canals.
If you don’t constantly empty your testes, no new semen are produced. Old sperm are considerably less fertile than fresh stuff. Also if you don’t give your body any incentive to produce more sperm it will focus on other things. This means that, if you are brought up not to masturbate, and actually keep to the tenet, you’ll be less fertile than when you don’t, and we’re not talking about you lugging around childhood memories in your scrotum, we’re talking about long term damage damage caused by self-induced clippling of a bodily function through underuse.
While on the point of old age of bodily fluids, old semen tastes rank. Most guys love seeing it when their girl swallows. Guys leading a pretty much standard male lifestyle will not have good tasting sperm. Garlic, foods with very distinct flavouring, also spices, have a very big impact on the way your sperm tastes. So does smoking. If you really want to get your girl to swallow, try eating fruit for a couple of weeks as your main source of carbohydrates and vitamins, eat less strong tasting meat, like poultry and maybe cut the fish. Maybe go fruitarian for those two weeks, it won’t do you any harm, a lot of people used to fast food and inferior cooking would finally get the necessary amount of vitamins. Masturbate a lot so that the old, not nice tasting “produce” is gotten rid of, and stop smoking, or smoke as little as possible, so that when your partner smokes you, he or she is in for a pleasant surprise.
Anyway, enough random advice go have fun, with your self, with other people, just remember when you “graduate” from masturbation to intercourse, use a condom.
Masturbation is in fact bad. For those who say otherwise, perhaps you’re also getting an equal amount of pleasure out of taking someone’s virginity before marriage? Our society, to put in black and white terms, are coming up thinking this is perfectly fine. Having multiple partners, etc. Why do you suppose there are god awful diseases that can be transmitted? Is that the beauty of finding the one you want to be with for the rest of your life? To acquire these illnesses yourself and be plagued and ridiculed by them for probably the duration of your life as well? There’s a reason for self discipline, in all things. And patience. Wait until you’re married. Masturbation is a form of pre marital sex just as having sex with someone.(although it isn’t associated with diseases typically) I am not a heavy Bible reader, although I do recall a certain segment where God referred to such things as “Wasting your seed on the ground.” Sperm is purposefully in us for that reason only. So for “pro masturbators” have you questioned the 100% authenticity in the truth of whether it’s genuinely good for you? Just because you’re used to it, and it’s extreme pleasure, doesn’t have to mean it’s soul food. Again, there are many things in the world that “feel” or “look good” but are you always going to pursue it? Good luck on everyone quitting.
Pray too. Ask to be rid of such a meaningless sin.
Good Article. I really pity a few of the people commenting on this though. How anyone can believe something as natural as masturbation is wrong and sinful is completely beyond me.
It’s like Adam & Eve - if the fruit tree with the snake was poisonous, God shouldn’t have put it in the bloody garden! It defies all sense of logic, something which is sadly common in religion(s).
With all due respects to all who are saying masturbating is good/ok.
l dont think this is the right place for that argument, the Mormons have put steps here to help those who want to stop & there you are saying dont stop ! something not right there.If you want to promote it then open your own blog.otherwise leave this one alone.
Its like going to a church & telling worshipers that its ok to be a bad person /to do evil. If want that then open your own church & invite your own people.
I am not a heavy Bible reader, although I do recall a certain segment where God referred to such things as “Wasting your seed on the ground.” Sperm is purposefully in us for that reason only.
What about female masturbation?
For that matter, what about that other female m? If we are forbidden to waste any chance to reproduce, then every female is required by God to have sex as often as possible from the age of… eleven? Sometimes as early as nine.
I’m not actually an athiest — or a masturbator. I’m just questioning.
“We must preserve the purity of our precious bodily fluids!”
~General Jack D. Ripper