Many Jehovah's Witnesses who become secular atheists can't leave the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society outright and must fade gradually to avoid being disfellowshipped. The reasons why Jehovah's Witnesses fear being disfellowshipped and shunned are due to how the Watchtower society exercises extensive social control over its members. But how can a Jehovah's Witness who has become an atheist go about fading? Is it always better than withdrawing (or becoming inactive) all at once?
To Fade Or Not To Fade?
Before you seriously consider fading, there are a several issues to look at first. Think about other Witnesses in your congregation who have "disappeared" from the ranks. How did the congregation react? How many of them left the Watchtower Society without being disfellowshipped? Are there any Elders known for investigating ex-Witnesses without further provocation? If you're married, what will your spouse do if you leave? Do you have children?
Depending on your answers to these questions, a lengthy fade may not be necessary. You may even be able to leave your Kingdom Hall without delay, but this will always be riskier than fading. Some ex-Witnesses have quit with nary a word, but you should be cautious in your decision. It may be prudent to wait a few months to feel out the situation to see how they react.
If your book study conductor wonders why you're only spending an hour in field service each month, a sudden disappearance will be noticed. Others pestering you about your inactivity is also a warning sign. If Witnesses — especially Elders — start showing up at your home and asking questions, it is probably out of the question for you to leave right away. By attending the meetings for at least a couple of months, you can gauge their reactions before quitting altogether.
Advice For Faders
1. Seek advice from those who've done it.
It can be risky trying to contact other former members, but finding support groups for ex-Witnesses on the internet is an easy, low risk solution. You can search for organized groups of ex-Witnesses in your area on the internet or search Google for keywords "apostafest" or "meetup," along with your state. Remember that some Elders are suspicious of faders. You may end up bumping into an Elder if you attend such meetings, so be careful. They could be taking names.
2. Have a plan.
As paranoid as it sounds, scheduling the pace of your fade might keep you from slipping away too quickly and getting noticed. Plan each step of your fade in advance.
3. Have excuses ready and cover your tracks.
What will you say if someone asks about your decreasing activity? Some overzealous Witnesses can be very persistent, and some may even check your stories. What if they find out that you asked your boss to let you work on Sunday mornings so you'd have an excuse to miss the meeting? What if you keep turning in 10 hours of field service time each month, yet no one ever sees you out in service? Be ready for questions like these.
Some faders have created a list of topics they can switch to when they encounter persistent Witnesses. They memorize a story and launch into it whenever the need arises. They memorize it so they won't stutter or pause, which makes it harder for the Witness to interrupt. Some ex-Witnesses use this one even after they've left the Society to avoid arguments with family members who are desperate to reactivate them spiritually.
4. Skim the Watchtower's literature for upcoming discussions about apostates or shepherding calls.
Remember that the literature is available in advance. You might find out that there's going to be a push for Elders to check up on those who are "weak in The Truth" in the coming months. This would obviously be a bad time to go inactive. If you are fading, be ready for a visit or extra pressures from friends and family around that time.
5. Make yourself hard to reach.
The fewer chances the Elders have to ask questions, the better. Wait a month or two, then replace that answering machine with Caller-ID. Failure to return their messages will look suspicious after a while, so don't let them leave any on your machine. When they visit your home, ask them to call in advance next time. If they ignore your request, ask them to come back later. They'll take advantage if you don't enforce this policy — remember that Elders are not above the rules of courtesy. They may give up eventually, but be careful and keep any appointments to meet with them if you already agreed to it. So long as you don't reveal that you're an atheist or have doubts in the Society, there isn't much they can do.
6. Move to another congregation.
Moving to another congregation has several advantages. If you have yourself reassigned to a more distant congregation, the Elders there will have more difficulty keeping tabs on you. Shepherding calls probably won't happen, though they may try to call you on the phone. Randomly attending both congregations could make your fade a little easier because it is harder for either congregation to know what's going on in your life.
Bear in mind that you should have a good excuse ready when you request a transfer. Believe it or not, they can deny your request if you don't have a good reason. You could tell them that you're having trouble attending the meetings locally and a transfer would help. Moving to a new home is obviously the best way to do this, but it isn't very practical for most. Instead, you might start by simply going to that other Kingdom Hall, then repeat your request to one of their Elders after a few months. If you're lucky, the Elders at your new congregation will help expedite the transfer.
7. Be wary of persistent Witnesses.
Sadly, some may try to trick you into confessing your disbelief. Some Witnesses have even gone to faders and expressed false doubts about the Society, thus inviting the fader to do the same. Then, within weeks or days, the fader gets a call from their Elders. Relatives have even pulled this one on faders, so be careful.
8. Make new friends.
You'll need new friends for emotional support once you've left. Why go it alone?
