Many Jehovah's Witnesses are taught that life outside the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is filled with wickedness and pointless misery. But what happens when one of them becomes an atheist and decides to leave the religion on their own? Some try to fade away quietly so they can maintain contact with their friends and family. Others make the break all at once and are forced to rebuild their lives without the support of others. But then what?
How can former Jehovah's Witnesses avoid going it alone?
Jehovah's Witnesses Who Fade
When a Jehovah's Witness chooses to slip away from their congregation gradually to avoid being shunned as an apostate, this is called fading. Advice for faders can be found in previous article. One advantage of fading is that the Witness has the chance to ease into their new life outside of the Watchtower Society. They should be able to build new relationships that provide emotional support once their fade is complete, but this doesn't always happen.
This is because faders must keep a low profile. They can't be seen spending too much time with outsiders or their Elders might notice. Why is this a problem? Consider the following cousel from the March 15, 2006 issue of the Watchtower magazine under the article "Each One Will Carry His Own Load" on page 23.
What about having close association with those who may be morally clean but who lack faith in the true God? The Scriptures tell us: "The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one." (1 John 5:19) We come to discern that bad associations are not limited to permissive or morally debased people. Hence, we are wise to cultivate close friendships only with those who love Jehovah.
From a Witness's viewpoint, having a lot of "worldly" friends is a sign of a spiritual crisis. The congregation may become concerned if word spreads that a fader has been seen with non-Witnesses. Attention of this sort can make a fader's attempt to leave quietly more difficult. But there are ways to reduce the risk.
One way that faders can safely make new friends is to spend time talking with workmates or other associates on their lunch breaks. Another is to visit an associate at home rather than inviting them over to the fader's home where their car might be noticed by passersby. If a Witness can build on these relatioships, they might get invited to attend private get-togethers and make more connections. These are all great ways to build emotional support for a life outside of the Watchtower Society. Face to face contact with live human's is preferable, but phone calls and online relationships are about as safe as it gets. These can supplement a fader's other, real world relationships.
The time may come when a Jehovah's Witness who is fading should explain their situation to their newly made friends, but some avoid this because they're afraid others won't accept their past in the Watchtower. This rarely happens in my experience. People may be surprised by the strictures the Society places on Witnesses, but they rarely blame the person who is trying to leave it. If anything, they tend to be more supportive. Fader's should remember that friends sometimes sense something is amiss when others don't invite them over or want to be seen out in public with them. Explaining the situation can clear up any confusion and open the door to closer friendships.
Jehovah's Witnesses Who Leave Without Fading
Some Jehovah's Witnesses decide to leave right away and feel that any friend who abandons them isn't worth the effort of keeping. They strike out on their own with the knowledge that even their Witness relatives may never speak to them again. It takes a strong individual to go it alone so abruptly unless they already have "worldly" friends to fall back on. Non-faders still have one big advantage over faders: they don't have to hide their change of heart.
If you're in this situation, use that freedom to the fullest. You don't have to look over your shoulder or worry about Elders asking questions like faders. The sooner you get out there and meet new people, the better. This is especially true for ex-Witnesses who become atheists. We don't always have the luxury of going to church to make new friends, though some atheists actually enjoy going to church for non-theistic reasons. You might discover groups of secularists nearby that you never knew about if you take the time to look, but you shouldn't limit themselves just to fellow atheists. Spending time at other public places or social events can sometimes lead to broader friendships with people you might never have met otherwise.
All Former Jehovah's Witnesses
The social awkwardness that comes from being disconnected from "worldly people" for many years can be an issue for all ex-Witnesses. Don't let this hold you back. Just be yourself and try to find friends you like and respect. Later, after you've formed stronger bonds with them, don't be afraid of them finding out about your past. Most of them will probably be curious to know what life is like as a Jehovah's Witness, but few will look down upon you for it. Some may even see you with new respect.
There's one big issue that needs to be addressed. Some former Jehovah's Witnesses become obsessed with fighting back and denouncing the Society. Instead of rebuilding their lives, they spend hours every day protesting the organization's activities right in front of its many properties. For people in this situation, I offer this advice: don't bother. This only reinforces the Society's claim that all critical ex-Witnesses are simply bitter, angry, or even crazy. It makes it easier for others to ignore the complaints of all former Witnesses. It also means that the protester's life is still dominated by the organization they're trying to denounce.
If you feel a need to discourage others from joining the Watchtower Society, the best thing to do is live your life and live it well. Many former Jehovah's Witnesses say that this is the best revenge. You can be an example to others that life outside of the Watchtower can be just as good — or better — than it was on the inside.
