Question:
Why do atheists hide their atheism from their families? Are atheists ashamed?
Response:
Not all atheists hide their atheism from friends, neighbors, coworkers, and family, but it's true that many do. This doesn't mean that they are necessarily ashamed of their atheism; instead, it often means that they are afraid of the reactions of others if they find out and this is because so many religious theists — especially Christians — are intolerant of atheism and atheists. Thus atheists hiding their atheism isn't an indictment of atheism, it's an indictment of religious theism.
Revealing atheism to loved ones, especially to religious parents, can be a very difficult task — at least as difficult as it is for someone to reveal that they are gay. It's not a political tactic for atheists to talk about "coming out of the closet," a phrase which has been used for years by gay activists. Instead, it's a recognition that the experience of having to hide atheism is analogous to that of having to hide homosexuality and the reasons for having to do so are very similar.
Everyone's situation is different and that means that there is no single plan or procedure that every atheist can follow. In the end, though, some simply choose to avoid conflict and hard feelings by not saying or doing anything. Does this make them hypocrites? Perhaps, but it is a very hard person who would suggest that the truth be told in all cases, even when it results in unnecessary emotional and psychological anguish. Sometimes perhaps it is better to leave well enough alone and keep quiet.
Does this say anything about atheism? No, not directly — it really isn't a reflection on atheism itself that so many people in America have trouble accepting a relative who is an atheist. It is, however, a very negative reflection on the religious and spiritual attitudes of Americans that they treat atheists in such a hostile manner. Americans harbor more distrust of and prejudice against atheists than any other group, despite the fact that the numbers of atheists are far too small to have ever done anything bad to America.
If atheists were genuinely tolerated, they would be able to tell others about their atheism without fear, they would be able to run for public office without their atheism being an hinderance, no one would be concerned about their child marrying an atheist, etc. Atheists deserve that level of tolerance and acceptance, but they haven't all been able to find it yet.
As a consequence, many atheists feel forced to hide their atheism, even from those whom they love the most. Sadly, this can prevent them from developing familial relationships that are as close, intimate, and loving as might be possible. Whenever a person has to hide something that is significant in their lives (and for many atheists, their atheistic philosophies or atheist activism are quite important), then there are entire areas of conversation that are automatically closed off.
This, in turn, prevents people from learning more about one another — and that's not usually the sort of thing that you want to see happen in families. When people don't talk about what is important, they gradually grow more distant from one another; given enough time, they may reach the point where they don't really know each other anymore. At that point, the possibility of a close relationship is effectively dead. Is atheism really so reprehensible that it should cause families to grow distant and become strangers to each other?
This is one of the legacies of religious bigotry in America: broken relationships and broken families because members of the dominant Christian faith have been taught to be too uncompromising and too intolerant of those who are too different — and in particular of atheists, who don't even believe in God. Religion doesn't always bring people closer together, and it doesn't always make for happier relationships. Sometimes, religion is just a force for divisiveness, prejudice, and bigotry.
