Marriage is both a private and a social institution. On the private level it exists to solidify and formalize loving relationships, to create a space for the development of families and children, and to provide for the long-term stability of individuals. On the social level marriage exists to establish new and widening bonds of kinship which, in turn, helps stabilize and solidify the community at large. The more interconnected people in a community feel, the more the community is a collection of “us” rather than divergent groups of “them.”
None of these reasons for marriage necessarily exclude gay couples. Eskridge is able to demonstrate the existence of same-sex unions throughout history. Most cultures seem to have carved out some sort of approved space for same-sex couples to be united, even if it wasn’t the same sort of “marriage” entered into by opposite-sex couples.
Some have argued that marriage is “rotten” and, because it only serves to perpetuate outmoded patriarchal power relationships, gays shouldn’t be striving to have the same thing available to them. Eskridge acknowledges the role of marriage in discrimination and oppression in the past, but makes it clear that by now the laws as well as society have become so liberalized that marriage is what you make of it. There is no longer anything inherently discriminatory about marital relationships — it all depends upon what assumptions and expectations people bring with them.
How will marriage “civilize” gays? Eskridge has two points to make on this. First, he points out that the legalization of gay marriage will being gays and gay couples more firmly into the general legal and social order. The existence of such unions will make it far more difficult for anyone to argue that homosexuality or sodomy are somehow on the “outside” of the law or the community. Second, Eskridge points out that gay men in particular tend to be more promiscuous on average, something that might be mitigated if marriage is opened up as a valid outlet for their relationships and sexuality.
How will marriage “civilize” society itself? Again, there are two points that can be made here. First, society will benefit from the existence of gay marriages for the same reason that it benefits from the existence of marriages generally: stable, predictable relations are good for communities, good for business, and good for everyone who has contact with the couple. Second, legalizing gay marriage will eliminate a divisive double-standard that threatens to undermine American principles of justice and fairness. So long as this discrimination exists, there is a little less liberty for everyone — and America is a little less civilized because of it.
Case For Same Sex Marriage: From Sexual Liberty to Civilized Commitment
Although Eskridge’s book is several years old by this point, it doesn’t suffer too badly from it. There are numerous references to the same-sex marriage case in Hawaii, the norm for gay marriage books written around this time period, which manages to date it. Still, while the Hawaii case didn’t end up going anywhere, Massachusetts has become the focus of people’s attention — thus, much of the time, if you replace “Hawaii” with “Massachusetts,” Eskridge’s comments and arguments continue to hold true. The names may change, but the situations seem to endure.
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