Question: My family wants me to hide my atheism from others. Should I?
Although this is a situation which tends to occur more often with young people living at home than with adults, atheists of all ages still have to contend with religious families who want you to maintain the outward appearance of religiosity, asking you to hide what you really think and act as though you were still a theist.
One reason for doing this is that your family is just "keeping up appearances" — it is entirely possible that they themselves are no longer very devout, even though they continue to believe, but they fear the social repercussions which would result from openly revealing their genuine attitudes. As a consequence, they don't want you to "rock the boat" by openly declaring what you believe.
They might also fear that, if the local community (particularly the religious community) knows that you have become an "apostate," your parents could be viewed as having failed in how they raised you. Certainly you don't regard yourself as a "failed" child, but the connections between religion and things like morals and values are so strong that your family's friends and community might really come to such a conclusion; as such, it's really no surprise that your family might fear it.
If you are young and living at home, there probably isn't much you can do no matter what your family's motivations are. You may simply have to avoid talking about topics which would lead to revealing your atheism; you may even have to hold your tongue when such topics are raised by others. It actually isn't all that unusual for families to have things they would rather keep secret from the wider community; sometimes that is harmful, but not always.
If you are forced to choose between lying about what you believe and revealing your atheism despite your family's wishes, I can offer no easy answers. What you do will depend upon the exact circumstances — and no matter what you choose, you won't be able to make everyone happy. It is one thing to simply refrain from speaking, but openly lying about what you believe is detrimental to your integrity and character; I wouldn't recommend it, but there may be situations where it is lesser of two evils.
On the other hand, if you are independent, your options may be a bit better. Chances are, there won't be very many situations where you would be expected to hide your atheism because you are living on your own and have your own circle of friends, many or most of whom do know about where you stand. If you have to hide things, it is probably from relatives and/or old acquaintances from back home.
In this context, holding your tongue may not be too difficult precisely because the problem doesn't occur too often. Nevertheless, you will still have to choose between being forthright and honest about yourself and avoiding conflicts and hard feelings within your family. Both choices can have negative consequences, so it is still a choice between the lesser of two evils — which is the lesser for you will depend upon your own situation.
