Question:
My kids have been invited to attend church services — should I let them?
Answer:
There is no easy way to answer this question because the most fundamental response is "it depends" — and it depends on quite a lot of things which necessarily change from context to context. Some general ideas should, however, help in making a decision should you ever find yourself in such a situation.
Initially at least you should treat such an invitation just as you would treat any other invitation made for your child. To begin with, how well do you know the people have have invited your child to attend religious services? Would you trust them to take your child to the park or a museum? If not, then why allow them to take her to church?
Secondly, how well do you know the place they are going? If your child were invited to go to a park or museum you knew nothing at all about, surely you would be hesitant about approving. You really do deserve to know some details before agreeing and shouldn't let anyone from dissuading you from learning more.
What sort of religious institution is this? What are the worship services like? What are the doctrines of this religion? What will your child be expected to do while there — will anything be asked of her, like going up front to be "saved"? If you aren't satisfied with the answers you get, then you shouldn't feel uncomfortable with refusing permission.
Now, assuming that you are comfortable with the people who will be taking her and are comfortable with the nature of the religious services she will be attending, then it seems reasonable to let her go — but your involvement shouldn't end there. It would be wise to discuss the the trip before she goes and talk about what will happen so that she isn't surprised about what she experiences.
Perhaps you should attend as well so you will be able to observe what really does happen, making it easier to discuss things later on. But, even if you don't go, you should definitely discuss the religious services later. Ask your child what she thought about the services, what she thought certain things meant, and what she thinks about the beliefs behind those services. Indeed, getting her to actively think and consider what went on is much better than allowing her to passively accept it all without question or critique.
Such discussions also ensure that an alternative viewpoint gets a chance to be considered, that your perspective is heard, that you stay involved in what is happening with your child, and that she isn't left to drift aimlessly and without guidance among the different beliefs she encounters. Discussing the messages and events of these religious services is very much like discussing a television show that touches upon difficult and controversial topics like sex or drug use.
Being a good parent means, in part, being an involved parent, and there is no reason why you should refrain from being involved here. As a parent, you have a great deal of responsibility when it comes to your children's emotional and psychological development. Encounters with religion and religious services will impact that development, and you would be shirking your responsibilities if you remained detached and uninvolved in such circumstances.
