Question:
I don't want to push religion on my kids, but my spouse/family/in-laws do. What should I do?
Answer:
If you are trying to raise your children without also forcing them to adopt a religious faith, there can be a lot of conflict with other family members who believe that religion and God are key factors in a good and moral upbringing. Resolving that conflict is necessary not only for your relationships with your family, but also to ensure that your child doesn't become confused or torn between loved ones.
If the conflict is between you and your spouse, that's a big problem. Ideally you should have discussed this matter long before you had any children, if not before you were even married. If you did and one of you is not following through on what you agreed to, then your problems are multiplied even further. One way or another, seeing a marriage counselor is probably a good idea, preferably one who doesn't have (or at least doesn't act on) a personal opinion on which of you is "right" where it concerns religion or theism.
In the end, you two will have to come to some compromise, and the most important goal in that compromise is the best interests of your child. Unfortunately, you may to have radically different ideas about what those "best interests" really are. For your spouse, it may mean being raised to have faith in the doctrines of a religion; for you, it may mean thinking skeptically and critically rather than giving in to faith.
Neither of you deserves to shut out the influence of the other, so that means that you will both have to play a role in how your child comes to think about religion, gods, and morals. You must at all costs avoid belittling the beliefs of each other and endeavor to treat those beliefs with respect and dignity. At the same time, showing respect does not mean keeping quiet about what you believe; you must both also be able to make your position understood and be willing to answer whatever questions your child has, even if that means expressing disagreement with each other. Yes, your child might end up adopting a position more like your spouse's than your own, but if that is so horrible, why are you still married?
Now, if you both agree on how your child should be raised but are having problems with family members who are interfering, the situation is different. The fact that the two of you are united and sending a consistent message to your children rather than bickering over who is "wrong" counts for a lot. However, remaining united will also be the key factor in resolving the conflict with your family. The two of you cannot appear divided, and you cannot avoid confronting any family members who are acting against your wishes and against what you think is best for your child.
