Question:
My in-laws keep making negative comments about atheism — should I say something?
Response:
Unfortunately, not every family is very accepting of people rejecting their religion. Rejecting belief in a god altogether can be even more problematic. Sometimes, they will even denigrate those who reject their religion and their beliefs, and you will find yourself in a very uncomfortable position. An important consideration here is whether they know you are an atheist or not — the answer to this will have a significant impact upon how you choose to proceed.
If your in-laws are completely in the dark about your atheism, then their comments are not meant either as a direct or as an indirect insult to you; rather, they are simply expressing an opinion in the company of those they (incorrectly) assume share that opinion to some extent. The choice before you now is whether you disabuse them of that notion and how.
You might be able to get away with simply objecting to the comments without revealing that they affect you personally. However, that will surely lead to questions about why you disagree and they may be difficult to deflect. If you are going to say anything, you may have to "come out of the closet," reveal that you are an atheist, and explain that you don't appreciate their negative and erroneous statements.
On the other hand, if your in-laws do understand that you are an atheist, then their comments are intended as a personal insult. I'm sure that they wouldn't appreciate similar comments made by you about their religion, so what we have here is a very fundamental and very disturbing lack of respect for you as a person and as member of the family. This sort of situation can't be allowed to continue, but you won't be able to do anything about it alone — you'll will need the active support of your spouse.
Your spouse cannot simply stand by and watch silently as you are insulted in such a manner. Standing up to one's parents in situations like this is certainly not easy, but there is no good excuse for not standing by one's wife or husband when they are attacked, even if it is by blood relatives. If your spouse refuses, then that points to problems in your marital relationship and it may be a good idea for you to seek counseling.
As far as the confrontation goes, your spouse will have to make it clear to his or her parents that the two of you stand by each other in such matters and that neither of you should be expected to tolerate the insults. If your in-laws cannot manage to show you basic respect and civility, then they should not expect to have either of you around very often - and that is something you should be firm about. You don't deserve that kind of treatment and you should not feel obligated to punish yourself by actively seeking it out.
Over the long run, it will only damage your self-esteem and your relationship with your spouse. If you love your spouse and you want your marriage to continue, then the two of you must work together to ensure that you both are treated with the respect and dignity you deserve.
