Most atheists have quite a few religious friends and relatives. Many of them may even be devoutly religious, following their traditions and practices with regularity and sincerity. If they consider you close and important in their lives, it is very likely that at some point they will invite you to participate in some religious ceremony or ritual. What should you do?
There is no one simple answer to this question because so much depends upon the type of ceremony, what sort of religion is involved, what you might be expected to do, and so on. Because of such considerations, many different types of ceremonies are addressed specifically and in detail elsewhere, but there are a number of very general considerations that merit discussion here.
The most basic issue which can be found in every such decision is that of balance. On the one hand, many atheists will likely feel uncomfortable being involved in religious ceremonies, even if simply as an observer. On the other hand, being asked to attend is itself a sign of just how important the relationship is — refusing to accept the invitation is, in essence, a snub against the friend or family member.
How you work out that balance will vary from situation to situation, but on the whole the preference should probably be towards showing support and respect for those who thought highly enough of you to invite you to their ceremony in the first place. After all, if your love and friendship is not strong enough to endure a short period of a little discomfort, then it isn't really very strong at all — is it?
That's assuming, of course, that the discomfort is generally minor; if you have had many problems with your own religious background, with religious friends and/or family members, or with religion in your community, then even attending as a passive observer may be a bit much. Sometimes your peace of mind *is more important than showing support for loved ones — it may be necessary to make small compromises and sacrifices for those you have close relationships with, but that can go too far as well. Once again, it's all about balance.
Most of the time, however, things like a short sermon, a couple of prayers, or a few religious words said over the course of a ritual shouldn't be too much for most atheists to quietly sit through. Besides, after that you will be able to participate in the ensuing parties, conversations, and other fun that often accompany the religious ceremonies which mark important stages in people's lives.
On the other hand, there are surely any number of religious ceremonies which go much too far for you to be willing to sit through. A Pentecostal religious service where people handle poisonous snakes or start writhing in the floor in religious ecstasy may be interesting from an anthropological perspective, but under the circumstances might be more than you bargained for.
The purpose of the ceremony may also play an important role in your decision to attend or not. Many, like christenings, weddings, etc., mark important changes in people's lives. This means that any discomfort you experience at attending should be balanced carefully against the perceived insult at your refusal to attend and show support. Some, like a church musical which a relative is participating in, may not even really be ceremonies at all, yet showing up is a part of expressing support and solidarity with family.
Other ceremonies, however, can easily be a bit too much. For example, someone might be receiving an ordination to begin preaching as a part of Operation Rescue — the two of you must have a strange friendship, but there would be nothing wrong with not wanting to attend such an event if you object to Operation Rescue's theology and tactics.
Each situation will be different because of the circumstances, relationships and ceremonies involved. Nevertheless, being a friend or family member means that you may have to do things that you don't entirely enjoy. It would be selfish of you to condition your relationship on only ever doing things that *you want, but it would also be selfish of others to expect you to attend every religious event no matter *what the content, the occasion, or your personal feelings.
Part of being in relationships with other human beings means trying to find balance and compromise. It won't always be easy, there is no question about that; but then again life never really is. So you must always ask yourself: just how bothered would you be with passive attendance, how important is the ceremony to the people in question, and just how important to you are the people in question? Those answers will help you find the balance you need.
