Question:
Our families want our child to be baptized — should we do it?
Response:
Although it shouldn't be too much of an imposition to accept an invitation to someone else's baptism or christening, matters are very different when you are expected to actively participate in such a ceremony by having your own child baptized. Whether the pressure comes from your own family, your in-laws, or even your spouse, you are being put in a very difficult position where no easy choice is obvious. But you have to choose something, so what do you do?
If your spouse is at most apathetic about having a baptism or even would prefer something different and less traditional, while the pressure is coming from one family or the other, then the question becomes how the two of you assert your preferences over those of your families. Of course, that's a question which faces many couples, but often the context is with more mundane issues, like where you spend Thanksgiving holidays.
As harsh as the arguments over such topics may get, few can rival the hard feelings created when it comes to arguments over the baptism of an infant. For those denominations which practice it, it is often considered integral to the religious upbringing of a child. Some may even fear that is the child dies young without being baptized, it won't get into heaven. You may not agree with their beliefs, but you need to understand just how seriously they take their religious doctrines.
So, what is to be done with families who want a baptism to occur? The first thing to always keep in mind is that how a child is raised is up to the two of you, not your parents, siblings, or other relatives. Because of that, your wishes must carry the most weight. Of course, while you shouldn't feel that you have to compromise your principles and values, you should be willing to compromise on minor points which aren't a big deal for you.
There are a number of non-religious naming ceremonies which you can participate in as a sort of communal celebration of the birth of your child. If that is actually what your families most want out of a baptism or christening, then why not hold such a ceremony? It can't hurt, and it will almost certainly help to bring people closer together. Even if there is the inclusion of some small religious element, like a prayer or religious song, that might not be too hard to accept. You should at least give the matter some thought.
However, it is probably more likely that the religious elements of the baptism are precisely the point. Your families may be seeking a public commitment of the child to a religious education and membership in a religious community. Many think that religion is the only means by which morality and community can be constructed. If that isn't what you and your spouse want, then the two of you must stand together. Of course, that is in many ways what a marriage is all about - standing together as a single unit, in good times and in bad.
If you two cannot put up a united front now, you will only have further problems later which you should start working to avoid immediately. It may not be easy to stand up to the demands of families and parents, but it is necessary — if you don't, then you will forever be under their thumb when it comes to the raising and educating of your children.
When the family (or both families) sees that you won't be divided against each other and that both of you, as a couple, are firm in your wishes, it will be much more difficult for them to force you to change either through bullying or though well-placed guilt-trips. Just as you should not snub them by dismissing any and all requests they might have, it is wrong for them to try and force you to conform to their ideal of what you should do. The best way to resist that is to remain united and support each other as much as possible.
