Perhaps a core issue which will influence all others is whether or not those around you even know of your unbelief. If they do, then they will be aware of the fact that you may feel, at the very least, uncomfortable or uninterested in the more religious aspects to the holiday season. But if they do not realize that you are an atheist, it will become much more difficult to assert yourself in any fashion and resist social pressures to conform to traditional religious observances.
The question of where, when, how, and even if a person should reveal their disbelief in gods is one which is important to atheists quite apart from the issue of holidays and ritual celebrations. Most of the time, a person can go about daily life without feeling any particular urge to reveal their atheism to friends and family - not necessarily out of fear of their reaction, but simply due to the irrelevancy of religion in the day-to-day lives of even many theists.
Following this path can, however, lead to various complications. In some families or peer groups, religion can come up regularly - what's an atheist to do? How does one react to questions about church attendance or whether our political leaders are properly implementing Christian values? Such conflicts do not occur for all atheists, but they do occur for some and can make being an atheist uncomfortable.
On the other hand, once the holiday season arrives and plans are made to bring religion back into daily life, even if briefly, many more atheists may become nervous as to what to do. Because of this, it is not unusual for people pick this time of year to reveal their atheism. Hiding it, whether out of fear or simply out of apathy, is no longer compatible with either honesty or self-respect.
Practical Tips
It's probably not a good idea to just blurt out your atheism to the whole family as they are putting on their coats to go to church - this is true regardless of the actual context, but it is especially true if we are talking about evening holiday church services. This is, to be blunt, very poor planning.
If you're going to tell your family that you are an atheist, you should do it before it becomes a crisis and, if possible, without giving the impression that you're simply rebelling in an effort to undermine family unity. Remember that, for many people, religion isn't simply about belief in gods - instead, it's about social unity. This unity not only involves the family members present, but those who are distant and also attending services, as well as those who have long since died.
Religion forms a social and psychological bond - thus you, by rejecting religion, may also appear to be rejecting that bond of unity. It doesn't matter if that isn't your intention, because that is what the effect will seem to be. Your family members may not even be entirely conscious of this, but you should because you can help alleviate such concerns by being prepared to address them.
Holidays are really the last time you should want to get involved in squabbles over belief in gods. Thus, it would probably be better to start at least hinting at your atheism well before the holidays arrive. The less of a surprise it is, the less dramatic will be the reactions.
You'll have to ask yourself whether or not this holiday revelation is because you're simply trying to prove something, or if you really are doing this in an effort to explain to family who you are. The former isn't a very good motive and will likely cause you to experience more problems than are necessary.
You'll have to pick the right time (preferably when people are already calm and relaxed) to let people know that while their religion no longer holds any meaning for you, the principle of family traditions certainly do. If you show respect for others, you'll be in a better position to expect respect back from them.
One strategy to try is to find one close family member to whom you can reveal your atheism and your feelings about religion in advance of everyone else. Hopefully, this person will be able to support you with the others and offer you advice on how to handle certain people. You may find yourself explaining things to your family in groups of two or three, rather than making a dramatic announcement to everyone at once.
Finally, it's probably wisest to be as calm and nonchalant about the whole matter as you possibly can. Your calmness will hopefully have a calming effect on the others, and if you don't make a big deal out of it, hopefully the others will be less likely to do so as well.
« What are Holidays and Rituals? | Families and Traditions »
