Woody Allen

1. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. [Woody Allen, Selections from the Allen Notebooks, in New Yorker (5 Nov. 1973)]
   
   
   
2. Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends.
   
   
   
3. To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
   
   
   
4. As the poet said, Only God can make a tree -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   
   
   
5. How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   
   
   
6. If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
   
   
   
7. I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   
   
   
8. The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. [Woody Allen, The Early Essays, Without Feathers (1976)]
   
   
   
9. I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles. [Woody Allen, Rolling Stone magazine, 1987]

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