Revealing Atheism
How do you tell your family that you don't believe in God?
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Question: How do I reveal my atheism to my family?
So, you've decided that you cannot rationally or reasonably continue with the religion which you have always been involved in and which your family continues to belong to. Indeed, you can't even continue to call yourself a theist anymore - you find belief in the existence of God to be unreasonable for one reason or another have to abandon the label altogether.
Now what?
That's a difficult question to answer, especially when it comes to family - even more so if you are a young person still living at home. Telling your family that you no longer accept their religion or even the existence of their god isn't an easy thing, either for you or for them.
Religion is very important for a great many people. It is where many believe they derive their morals, their values, their meaning of life - even their purpose for living. They cannot imagine being without it and so naturally will have great difficulty imagining you abandoning it. Because of this, it may seem easier to simply "stay in the closet" and not tell anyone.
Sometimes, this might indeed be a reasonable course of action. For example, if you are a young person still living at home and have a realistic basis for thinking that your parents might shun you or even kick you out of the house for being an atheist, keeping quiet would indeed be wise. Aside from such extreme situations, however, you should consider carefully before going too far down the path of remaining in the closet, because it carries with it a lot of problems which you may not want to deal with later on.
For one thing, you may develop a great deal of resentment not only towards your former religion (if you aren't too resentful already, that is), but also towards your family because you feel like they are forcing you to "live a lie" by pretending to still be religious. For another, in the future you may be expected to continue doing all sorts of things which you find objectionable, like regularly going to church or participating in religious ceremonies. If you ever do tell your family about your atheism, you may find it difficult to explain that you have been a nonbeliever for years or decades without saying anything. All of this can be very psychologically and emotionally draining, especially when it occurs over a long period of time.
On the other hand, precisely because telling others about your real beliefs and real feelings can be difficult, it can be an important step towards becoming more self-confident and mature. You could also being doing a lot to encourage better attitudes towards atheism by demonstrating how atheists can be moral and mature people. Perhaps there are other members of your family who also have doubts or who disbelieve - by speaking up, you will find that you share more in common with them and will also help them come to terms with who they are.
Because there can be such good reasons both for keeping quiet and for speaking up, you have to exercise careful judgment before telling people. One thing to consider is to try "testing the waters" with someone in your family whom you think you can trust. They might be able to help in many ways - for example, preparing you for how others might react, telling you the best ways to broach the subject, providing support for your decisions, etc.
Remember that your atheism doesn't just affect you - by telling others, you are fundamentally altering your relationship with your religious family members. Once, you had that religion in common - it was perceived as a common source of values and tradition. Now, however, you have irrevocably changed that, and many will see it as a change for the worse. If your parents are involved, they may believe that you are also rejecting the morals and values they tried to raise you with - a hard thing for any parent to accept. They may feel they have failed as parents and that it is necessary to try and "win you back" to their faith, putting even more pressure on you.
Perhaps people shouldn't take it personally that you are trying to find your own path, but the fact of the matter is they will, and you should take their feelings into consideration. By that I don't mean that you should stop being an atheist or necessarily continue to pretend being something you are not, but you should take others' feelings into account in the way you phrase things and how much you tell them.
For example, you should avoid attacking your family's religion. Even if you have come to conclude that it is evil, saying so will only serve to exacerbate the conflicts being created and the confusion being experienced by your family. It would also be wise not to take this opportunity to try and deconvert others from your family's religion. They are still dealing with the shock of your atheism - don't make it worse for them just yet. In taking the high road, you will also be showing that being an atheist doesn't make you an immoral and rude person.
Aside from thinking about the feelings of your family before you tell them, there are a number of others things you should consider in advance. For example, you should be prepared for the possibility of some relatives trying to give you arguments for why you should continue believing. You needn't be able to thoroughly refute them all, especially at the time of your announcement, but it would be good if you could demonstrate that these arguments aren't rock-solid and that doubt about them is reasonable. In doing so, you can establish that not believing is itself reasonable and that you aren't being perverse or rebellious for rejecting those arguments.
You'll also need to mentally prepare yourself. You don't want to look nervous and uncertain - that only opens the door for your family not taking your atheism too seriously. You need to be firm and confident about what you are saying. Admit that you don't know all the answers to all the questions, but point out that they don't, either. You have adopted a position that you consider most reasonable - you might change it later on if you find good reason to do so, but in the meantime, this is where you are and they will need to learn to accept it.
Hopefully, you will all be able to use this as an experience for growing and learning. Good luck!
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