In rural Turkey, especially in Kurdish areas, polygamy persists despite official bans on the practice dating back to Kemal Ataturk. People believe that they have a duty to reproduce as much as possible. Although polygamy is often seen as a symptom of patriarchy and women's second class status, there's a bit more going on here than meets the eye.

The Economist reports:

[A]mid the drudgery and disaffection, Cupid has a role, says Remzi Oto, a sociologist at Dicle University in Diyarbakir. His study of 50 polygamous men showed that nearly a third took a second wife after “falling in love”. Most were forced into marriage in their early teens. “Choosing their own wife is a form of self-assertion, a way of exploring their manhood and of experiencing true love,” says Mr Oto.

Notice how there is no interested expressed in women being able to choose a husband, assert themselves, exploring their womanhood, or experiencing true love. The man is able to “choose” a second wife, but does this second wife have any say in the matter? Perhaps, if it really is love, but for some reason I have my doubts. If there were real equality in this matter, The Economist should have said.

At the same time, it’s also interesting how the man’s side is being portrayed here. Usually we only hear about women being forced into marriages. It’s really bad that this isn’t mentioned at all here, but usually we don’t hear about men being forced into marriage at all and that’s worth thinking about.

The tradition of forced marriages harms both men and women. Inequality for and oppression of women is usually treated as simply bad for women but good for men (after all, they get all the advantages, right?). Very often, though, the truth is that both lose out. Sometimes the way men lose isn’t obvious (they lose the ability to have a real partner in their marriage, for example), but sometimes it is and here we see one case where that’s so.

The question is, how many men will start to realize that if being forced into a marriage is bad for them and something they don’t want, then maybe women don’t like it either? If men object to forced marriages for themselves, will they have the insight and courage to object when it happens to women as well? That would be a sign of real ethical maturity on their part; on the other hand, only objecting when it happens to themselves and not when it happens to others is a sign of ethical self-centeredness.

 

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• Islam
• Women in Islam
• Guide to Ethics and Morality
• News About Ethics