A common argument against the existence of God is that omnipotence is incompatible with being all-loving, given how much evil there is in the world. There is another problem with this depiction of God, though: how can there be real and genuine love if God is in complete control of everything? When a person attempts to totally control another, we don't usually accept that as love.

In Healing Violent Men: A Model for Christian Communities, David J. Livingston writes:

God has historically been understood as omnipotent — all powerful. Today feminist and process theologians have questioned this image because it is difficult to reconcile with human freedom, divine benevolence, and the biblical portrait of a loving God. Can God love the universe if God “controls” the universe? Doesn’t love require being in a relationship with another who is fully free to love in return?

The image of god as lover, for example, is an important and instructive metaphor because it can be understood in a controlling and noncontrolling way. For this reason, it has the ambiguity of most deep symbols; it carries potential for both good and evil. If God is in control of creation, then God “loves” as the abusive men “love.” God controls and protects the universe, guaranteeing that all will work out for the best. If on the other hand, God loves but does not control the universe, then creation is able to give the gift of love in return.

What do we lose if God is no longer in control? We certainly lose the sense of safety and security that comes with knowing that everything is in God’s hands. We lose the security of knowing that no matter what we do, all will be made right by God. We lose the security of knowing that the violence and tragedy we confront in the world are all a part of a much larger plan that we do not understand.

One can of course argue that God isn't really in complete control of everything and allows us our freedom to act, even act against what God wants, but this argument is difficult to square with what so many Western monotheists believe. It's common for Christians, Jews, and Muslims to believe what Livingston describes above: that regardless of what happens around us, it's all consistent with God's grand plan and everything will work out for the best in the end, even if we can't understand how or why from our limited perspective.

Now, even if it is the case that God doesn't control every tiny movement of my limbs, the belief that God is directing events so that they lead to some particular conclusion seems to require that we also believe that God is ultimately in control over everything. Control need not include personally directing every little aspect of a system — control can be said to exist when one directs a system and is able to determine what happens to it, what it does, and where it leads.

Few Western monotheists would really argue that their god is not in control of the universe, though there may be disagreement over the level of direct intervention in various events. Given that such control exists, however, these theists are faced with a difficult task of explaining how it is compatible with love. Can you really love something that you insist on controlling and dominating? Can you really be freely and genuinely loved by something which you control and dominate?

The analogy to abuse husbands is not one which many theists will appreciate, but it is instructive and includes more than a little bit of truth. Abusive husbands almost always insist that they love the wives and it's common for the wives themselves to agree. Only outsiders appear able to recognize that the relationship is dysfunctional and that neither party seems to understand what real love truly is.

Are adherents of western monotheistic religions basically victims of abusive relationships? Are they analogous to abused wives who believe it when their abusive husbands claim to “love” them despite the all the emotional, psychological, and even physical violence? Are they like abused wives who are too afraid to leave their husbands, afraid both of what their husbands will do to them and of whether they can survive out in the world on their own?

 

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