Forum Discussion: Religious Christmas Presents
Wednesday December 30, 2009
Because Christmas is a religious holiday for so many people, it's hardly surprising that there are a lot of religious Christmas presents given on Christmas day. When it's a religious person receiving the present, everyone is happy -- but what about atheists who receive religious presents? If you're an atheist, how have you reacted to religious presents in the past? If you haven't received any, how do you think would be the best way to react?
How should I react if someone gives me a religious christmas present? I not expecting one, but I want to be prepared if it happens. Most of my family doesn't know that I'm an atheist (it's never comes up). Should I say "No, thanks, I'm not a Christian" in front of everyone (or perhaps in private), or just accept the gift? Is there another way to handle it? Most of my family aren't very religious, but a couple are.
This definitely isn't an easy situation. If you say something, even privately, you risk causing bad feelings (at a time when everyone is supposed to be getting closer to one another) and creating a confrontation that will be remembered for years. On the other hand, if you say nothing, you run the risk of getting such presents over and over, giving people the wrong impression about who you are. So what do you do? The ideal solution is probably to address such issues long before they become problems, but that also requires coming out of the closet about your atheism, or at the very least about religious skepticism, and that's a problem in itself.
Add your thoughts to the comments here or join the ongoing discussion in the forum.
Austin says: When it’s a religious person receiving the present, everyone is happy…
Don’t bet on it if the religious receiver gets a religious present from a known atheist. My mother told me that my father was allegedly offended when I gave my mother a reproduction of a classical (WASP) Jesus which I thought she would like. My father and I never did discuss this, and the possibility remains that my mother was offended and used my father as a way of expressing it.
Austin says: So what do you do?
What does a vegan do when given a steak dinner? What does a communist do when given stock in a corporation? What does a PC do when given a Mac?
When receiving a gift, it’s the thought that counts.
“It’s the thought that counts”, but what if the thought is wrong? If someone knows that you are an atheist yet gives you a bible for Christmas, what thought is counting there?
My father-in-law has a history of giving me crappy or useless gifts but, for the most part, it was easy enough to say “thanks” and then pass them off to someone else or the 2nd hand store. Having him donate to a religious charity in my name wasn’t too bad (it bought a goat) until the junk mail started to arrive from my being put on a list. Receiving a bible, however, was not a gift that was accepted. It went back with a simple explanation that I already had a bible and, being an atheist, wasn’t interested in having another one.
After that, he only sent cash.
It is the thought that counts, as long as the thought is honest and not an attempt to prostyletize.
However, I would not, could not ethically, remain silent and allow a misunderstanding of who I am. The gift should be returned, but without making light of the sentiment. A reply something like “I really appreciate the thought, but I’m an atheists. Maybe you should give this to somebody who could appreciate it more and just treat me to Starbucks or something.“
For the most part I don’t mind religiously oriented gifts. I simply view them the same as any other gift that I have no use for, although some have ended up being interesting though probably not in the way intended. If it is from someone as a means to prostyletize then I simply say “thank you.” with a smile and make a mental note of who will receive a copy of “The God Delusion” or “God Is Not Great” from me next year.
I received a Mothers’ Bible years ago, not as a xmas gift, but as a thank you from a PTA president for working on a lengthy and involved project. This woman and I were just acquaintances, not friends. I could not accept the present, so I wrote her a nice note thanking her for the kind thoughts (even though it was presumptuous on her part) and telling her about my atheism and the reasons why I felt I had to return the gift.
Of course I had no way of knowing her reaction, but she really surprised me when she wanted to sit and talk about it over coffee. What didn’t surprise me was when she told me that I was the first atheist she had ever gotten to know. That little fact saddened me, but I was happy to be her first.
I hope I left her with a positive impression of atheism and of those who hold that position.
I occasionally receive religious gifts from my grandmother, one of the few people who I’ve really discussed my atheism with, though not for Christmas.
I think she just finds these things interesting, though, and wants to share that. I think it really depends on the intent of the person giving the gift for things like that, whether you should say anything or not.
My wife received a picture of Herr Ratzinger (Pope Benedict) as a gift from her mother. Even she was scratching her head at that, while I simply muttered “Huh?” and shook mine…talk about idol worship!
This isn’t really about religious gifts, per se, but the idea of how religious people might be offended by religious icons.
When I was little, someone gave me a glow-in-the-dark rosary. To me, it was just a little beaded necklace with a cross on it. I knew some people prayed with them–in Catholic churches, but I just thought it was a cool trinket.
My mother, on the other hand, was a Fundamentalist ex-Catholic, who had a sh*t-fit over this thing when she saw me playing with it. Idol, false work of satan, and all that, I suppose. I recall I kept it for some time. To her credit she didn’t “make me” throw it away. But I do recall that it sort of just “disappeared” after awhile–and I don’t recall ever personally getting rid of it.
One of the things I enjoy about being an atheist is the freedom to not impart power to objects or ideas and rituals. I could just as soon attend a Catholic service as a Hindu feast as a Baptist tent meeting, and it wouldn’t phrase me beyond curiosity and interest. In my past, as a Christian, however, I was taught to empower objective concerns in very co-dependent ways–in ways where I was not encouraged to recognize the thing itself had no power, but that which I assigned to it; that any evil assigned to this object was evil from me, not from the object itself.
I was taught from a very early age that one accepts all presents graciously, assuming that the giver is simply misguided about what one might want as a gift but that her/his heart is in the right place. I was taught other things from a very early age, too, such as religion; but while I’ve been able to give up on the existence of a god, I still have trouble doing anything other than nodding my head and saying thanks to even the most inappropriate gift.
Go figure.