Keyes: Christ Would Not Vote for Obama

Well, we've heard from the Christian Right already that God endorses George W. Bush for president (which means, I guess, that voting for Kerry means voting against God and is therefore a ticket straight to Hell). Now we're hearing that Jesus Christ has endorsed Alan Keyes over Barack Obama. No word yet on who Buddha and Mohammad are voting for.

NBC 5 reports:

Keyes said in a radio interview at the Republican National Convention that Jesus would not vote for Obama. The quote was part of a list Obama sent reporters of Keyes' accusations and epithets about him since Keyes became a candidate, NBC5 political editor Dick Kay said. Kay also reported that Keyes called Obama a "socialist and a liar" on a cable access news show on Monday.

Keyes, who has focused his campaign on abortion, said that his statement about whom Jesus would vote for was based on Obama's pro-choice votes in the Illinois Senate. "Christ would not stand idly by while an infant child in that situation died," Keyes said. "And I'm not the only person, obviously, who thinks if you are a representative of me, I cannot vote for you if you would ignore the dignity and claims of that child's life. So, yes, I did respond quite logically -- you'll see it's quite logical, right -- with the conclusion that Christ would not vote for Barack Obama, because Barack Obama has voted to behave in a way that it is inconceivable for Christ to have behaved."

So, let's see... Christ would not vote for anyone who behaves in a way that is "inconceivable for Christ to have behaved." This is only meaningful information if Christ would vote for Keyes — after all, if Keyes is saying that Christ wouldn’t have voted for either of them (and would, instead, have run an upstart third-party campaign), then who cares? So, if Christ would vote for Keyes, that means that Keyes does not act or vote in a manner that is ever inconceivable for Christ to have behaved.

So, Alan Keyes is Christ! Yes, that's right, he is the Christ who has come again and is now suffering the scourges of the new Roman soldiers (in the guise of evil liberals). November will be the date of his new crucifixion, he will rise again, and bring Armageddon down on our weenie secular heads. I have seen the light! Hallelujah!

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