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Austin Cline

Adult Children of Same-Sex Couples

By July 17, 2004

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One of the arguments frequently used by opponents of gay marriage is that such relationships are harmful to any children who grow up in same-sex households. Therefore, society should not give any sort of sanction or approval to them because that would validate the harm experienced by the kids. Is this a valid argument?

At Catholic Exchange Maggie Gallagher writes:

Cassidy ... is one of the first generation of "gayby boom" babies, raised by two moms. Adult children of same-sex parents are rare. ... "When growing up, I always had the feeling of being something unnatural," Cassidy says. "I came out of an unnatural relationship; it was something like I shouldn't be there. On a daily basis, it was something I was conflicted with. I used to wish, honestly, that Pat wasn't there."
Why does she oppose same-sex marriage? "It's not something that a seal of approval should be stamped on: We shouldn't say it is a great and wonderful thing and then you have all these kids who later in life will turn around and realize they've been cheated. The adults choose to have that lifestyle and then have a kid. They are fulfilling their emotional needs — they want to have a child — and they are not taking into account how that's going to feel to the child; there's a clear difference between having same-sex parents and a mom and a dad."

So, Cassidy had a “feeling” when growing up that something was wrong and this made her uncomfortable... and, therefore, gay marriage is wrong? I’m sure that we could find people who had similar experiences with interracial and interfaith marriages. You don’t suppose that Cassidy’s experiences had anything to do with the fact that her mother was in a relationship considered evil by many, that they were under a lot of social pressure, and that ultimate it was society’s reactions to the couple that caused many of the problems.

"Even if society were open to it, there's just the whole issue of your self-identity. I always had the feeling I was in a lab experiment." She feels driven to do something, say something, to protect other children like her. "Whenever I see it on TV, something inside of me says 'No.' I don't think it's fair that the kids are being put in this situation. They don't have a choice about it."

As if any child had any choice about the parents they are born to and raised by? This would be an example of blaming the victim: because gay couples have trouble all the discrimination, prejudice, bigotry, and stress, this just proves that they can’t be good parents. Therefore, all the discrimination and bigotry are justified. That, sadly, is just the sort “logic“ that Maggie Gallagher is known for when it comes to the gay marriage issue. I wonder how hard she had to work to find “Cassidy,” someone whose thinking process is as unreliable as her own.

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Comments
Margie(1)

You mentioned that children born into their homes don’t get a choice- I’m sure everyone agrees with that. The thing is, when children are born into harmful environments most are lucky enough to be pulled out by child protection agencies. She is right when she says they don’t think about the child when they adopt. Even many heterosexual couples aren’t ready for a child when they plan on one. Later in life the relationship WiLl become unstable if they just weren’t mature enough for this occasion in life. There are many holes to punch in your arguement, unfortunatley I don’t have five minutes to spare (although I did have these 3). I hope you’ll rethink your stance on this issue, and look at it from all angles. I am in the process of this right now, and although I don’t believe all the beliefs I’m coming in contact with, I still love these people. That’s what we all need to do- is love everyone unconditionally. Even the “bad people”.

April 27, 2008 at 7:02 pm
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She is right when she says they don’t think about the child when they adopt.

Feel free to support that claim.

There are many holes to punch in your arguement, unfortunatley I don’t have five minutes to spare (although I did have these 3).

You had the time to point out at least one hole. Your failure to do so — or to even try — suggests that these “holes” don’t exist.

I hope you’ll rethink your stance on this issue

Since you can’t or won’t point out any flaws or problems in my stance, why should I?

I am in the process of this right now, and although I don’t believe all the beliefs I’m coming in contact with, I still love these people.

If you aren’t willing to treat them equally, and continue to think of them simply as “these people,” then I deny that you really “love” them in any meaningful sense.

April 27, 2008 at 7:56 pm
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Zack(3)

The thing is, when children are born into harmful environments most are lucky enough to be pulled out by child protection agencies. Comment by Margie — April 27, 2008 @ 7:02 pm

You’re kidding, right?

May 6, 2008 at 8:37 pm
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