Spousal Abuse: Blaming the Victim, with a Twist

There was a time when women who accused their husbands of abuse were challenged by defense lawyers as to why, if the abuse was so bad, they didn't run away. That has largely ended as we have come to understand the psychology of abuse - any lawyer who tries it will not be looked upon favorably. Still, that didn't stop a lawyer in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania - perhaps because the abuse victim in this case was a man.

Tom Coombe writes in The Morning Call:

As they investigated, prosecutors learned that this wasn't the first altercation, that Onufer had assaulted the man before. In her closing argument, Taschner said that during the seven-month relationship, the man was: Beaten with pots and pans. Had his nose broken to the point of deformity. Forced to go without food, and at least in one instance, without sleep. By the end of the relationship, he had lost 70 pounds. Beaten so badly he lost 80 percent of his kidney function.

But Heitczman argued the prosecution's story didn't make sense, saying the boyfriend should have been able to fight off the considerably shorter Onufer. ''What man would allow himself to be beaten like that?'' he asked, saying that self-defense is a voluntary reaction. Why, Heitczman asked, didn't the boyfriend just leave? Taschner offered an explanation to the jury: The man was too scared, too worn down, comparing him to a ''whipped puppy, trying to please his master.''

Attitudes like Heitczman's are what make it difficult for abused men to come forward. Heitczman acts as though no "real man" would allow such abuse to occur. The fact of the matter is, though, abuse is not a purely physical thing. It's easier to abuse someone when you are physically superior to them, but what really makes it work is to make sure that they are psychologically broken and dependent upon you. Before physical resistance is possible, psychological resistance and confidence must already be a reality - if you don't have them, you have no hope of resisting physically.

This is a serious issue because is lies behind all cases where one person abuses or degrades another in some way. In every case we can ask why the victim didn't resist more - but if we assume that the lack of physical resistance is a sign of psychological desire, we would be sorely mistaken. People have used that to justify assuming that women didn't mind being abused - or, in some cases, even raped. It was wrong then and Heitczman is just as wrong above. You shouldn't blame the victim.

Read More:

• Guide to Ethics and Morality